An Apology

I have been advised by my lawyers to issue an official apology.
(Solicitors and lawyers – in the main a drain on society – can at times offer useful advice.)

It appears that my reporting of Nelson Galaxy’s drunken night out in London’s Soho with a famous French movie star, and the surprising revelation that said movie star has taken to wearing a baby’s nappy whilst over-indulging in the intake of alcohol and other decadent substances, has caused something of a commotion within the normally dull and stuffy offices of a certain LA law firm.

Thus it is that I am compelled to retract my comments unequivocally and to offer a full and unreserved apology to the person concerned. I am sorry.

If I refused to comply, the actor’s lawyers offered me assurances that they would roughly insert large items of footwear into my fundament – and not in a good way.

In point of fact, I was only innocently echoing the fruity observations of my friend and confidante, Nelson. But apparently, I did not make appropriate efforts to protect the identity of the mercurial Gallic actor. In light of my inexcusable transgressions, therefore, I promise to spank myself rigorously on the behind for an hour and to venture afterwards into the misty fields to find a gypsy whose knuckle I shall endeavour to kiss.

On the Fantastic hi-fi today:
Nick Lowe – The Impossible Bird

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