I think that I have been single and living alone for too long.
Well, I am not alone exactly – I share my life with Audrey, the most beautiful little dog in the world – but I am without woman.
The reason I say this now is because my days have been filled recently with one domestic disaster after another – a situation I believe would be vastly improved by the presence of a female in the Fantastic household. Such a person would be a welcome and practical addition and could perhaps sometimes alleviate the depressing nature of the wretched and embarrassing situations in which I often find myself.
Take yesterday for instance: falling over on my back in public and momentarily losing consciousness. It wasn’t that bad, I suppose – it was merely another moment of abject failure that will haunt me forever, nothing more than that. But had someone been there with me to help and to laugh, I am sure that I would not have felt so awful about it.
And now today, I have stupidly and inadvertently dyed my beloved white Fred Perry jacket a jolly shade of blue by deftly placing a similarly coloured pillowcase into the washing machine with it – something a far-sighted and prudent woman would never have allowed me to do, I am sure.
I know that I am fortunate in some respects: I do not have to suffer the ignoble and miserable facets of a stale and unhappy relationship. But on the other hand, constantly having to engage in activities that you detest with someone that you no longer love is the price that anyone would happily pay to avoid a lifetime of loneliness, is it not?
And the truth is, I do feel incredibly forlorn and emotionally ill-equipped at times. I am beginning to think that a female human companion would help in this singular respect – not to mention the practical side of things.
(And the extra income would be a bonus! – Household Finances Ed.)
On the Fantastic hi-fi today:
Marquee Moon – Television
Forever Changes – Love