Fake-Tan Baaad-Ass Man

I was accosted at the door this morning by a traveling rapper.

‘I is sellin’ fake tans, innit.’

I just couldn’t believe my eyes. An team of ugly white teenagers with bags full of fake tan products were going door-to-door selling their wares.

My one was wearing baggy, white Bench jeans, an NY top and cap, and enough bling to sink a battleship. ‘So is you want some, mate? It’s good stuff. We is sellin’ out fast, man, innit.’

‘Dressed like that, you couldn’t talk me out of a burning car let alone get me to purchase a stolen bottle of radioactive fake tan cream. Now be off with you!’

He seemed genuinely amused ‘Wha!? You is well weird, man, innit.’

‘Hmm.’

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