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Family Business

It’s just so bally busy around Enormous Towers at the moment. What ho!

One hasn’t had time to think, let alone write some agreeable nonsense to keep you all entertained. To this end – keeping you entertained – I have rooted out a rather jolly recording of me and Nelson Galaxy singing Family Business, an old Slaughterhouse 5 song that Enormous are planning to re-record at some point in the near future.

This acoustic version was recorded live one windy Autumn afternoon a couple of years ago in the studio control- room during one of Nelson’s increasingly infrequent visits. The tambourine was played – rather spiffingly, if you ask me – by Graham Boffey, the Enormous drummer.

It’s a close duet with Nelson taking the lower part and me the higher one. You can easily tell who is who. I’m the taller and better looking one.


The Jesus Diet

I hadn’t seen him in ages. He looked happy and was wearing a big smile and a rather brisk cologne.

‘Lovely morning, Davy.’

‘Yes it is, Reg. How are you?’

‘Putting on a bit of weight since Maria left me. She’s gone back to Italy.’ He gazed into the distance for a second before lifting up his arms and giving me a twirl: ‘Do you think I look fat in these jeans?’




‘I’m on a diet. One of them new ones.’


‘It’s called the Jesus Diet. That Ginger Spice recommends it. Bread and fish – I can only eat bread and fish.’

‘It sounds wonderful.’

‘I know I’ll lose the weight: God is on my side.’


‘Got any plans for the summer? Going anywhere nice?’

‘Same as usual, Reg. I should think Nelson will be coming up from London and we’ll spend a week sitting in some of the local hostelries drinking warm beer that tastes like urine samples from circus animals and wondering why we can’t find girlfriends.’

‘Sounds like fun.’


‘Nelson Galaxy? Your brother? He’s one of them transvestites, isn’t he? Funny business, that.’

‘Yes, indeed he is. But it could have been worse; at least he isn’t a folk dancer or something.’

‘Does he ever take you to any of his funny clubs in London?’

‘He did once. I felt as out of place as a violinist in a jazz band.’

‘Well you would, wouldn’t you. Tee hee: violinist, jazz band – I like that. You’re a funny man, Mr Lawrence, a very funny man.’


Spit and Polish

I wish people – well, men, I suppose – would not expectorate in public quite so freely around here.

Audrey stepped in a grotesque lump of glowing mucus when we left the house this morning; and a few minutes later I had to dodge flying spittle while I listened to a speech from Reg on the folly of the present government’s immigration policy (he blames all the Polish people of the village who he says could ‘spit for Poland at the Olympics’).

He delivered a colourful and passionate discourse on the subject which was punctuated by him absent-mindedly depositing monstrous gobs of luminous saliva everywhere in a rather enthusiastic and festive manner. Disgusting, and all too common.

Changing the subject, I have just posted a version of The Way That It Should Be on the Enormous website/blog. This is the version of the song that appears on the album Almost Everything. Look out for a totally different version of it on the new album which is due for release in the summer.

When You Do

We have just added When You Do, one of the biggest sing-along songs known to man, to the Enormous set-list for our upcoming gigs in the summer.

A very cheerful little song about how insecure one can feel sometimes; and about how one often feels like finding a seventeen year-old French waiter and smashing his tiny face in. (We all feel like that from time to time, don’t we?)

I posted an mp3 of the track at Enjoy.

Chanson de Geste

If you have a few moments to spare, why not pop on over to the revamped Enormous website/blog where I have just posted Let’s Run Away Together, a song about one of my many daring deeds of the past few years.

I’ll be posting tracks there often – new demos of songs for the forthcoming album, old faves, and solo acoustic doodlings – so feel free to add to your bookmarks and keep me company over there, especially if you are a beautiful woman with plenty of money and an interest in handsome English songwriters.

While you are there, why not click on a few of the adverts – I’m sorry to say, I need the money.

Upstart Blogger Enormous WordPress theme


As promised on Friday here is the final release version of the Upstart Blogger Enormous WordPress theme. If you are looking for a high impact WordPress theme with big typography and minimalist styling, a WordPress theme that gets the job done if you want to really get your message across, then this could be the one for you.

Styled using classic swiss style typography throughout, Enormous is a WordPress theme with a free gift of three free tracks from Enormous, a band I play with. I expanded on this in more detail in Friday’s post so I won’t duplicate the details here. The purpose of today’s post is to get the theme out to everyone making it available in an easy and fully tested version.

Click here to see the theme live on the Enormous website or here to see a standard demo. To download the full version click here or, if you are browsing from a location where your bandwidth is restricted click here for the light version.

The zip file contains all the plugins you need, all wrapped up in a separate zip file. To install the theme first unzip the downloaded file, then browse to a file marked ub_enormous and unzip that. Then upload the ub_enormous folder to your WordPress themes folder. To use the plugins simply unzip the plugins zip file and upload the contents to your WordPress plugins folder.

You will almost certainly need to do some customization of the theme to make it fit your needs. Simply edit the header.php file and replace the header text and the header image to make the theme your own. Please leave the footer information intact so that others may also enjoy the theme and find it easily.

As always, if you make use of one of my themes I would love to hear from you. Customization is highly encouraged and I enjoy seeing my themes pulled, stretched and generally played around with.

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